Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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