i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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