you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
