i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
