i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
