No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
