she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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