I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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