it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
