i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
