The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
