my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
