so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
