so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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