He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
