You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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