i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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