sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
