pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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