i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
