i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
