I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
