I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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