There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
