I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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