do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
