my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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