Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
