ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
