couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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