Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
