I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
