So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
