Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
