just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
