we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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