I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
