Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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