Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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