Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
