i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
