dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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