What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
