o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
