how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
