She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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