4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
