She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i believe in u and ur pee
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
