If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
