He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
