Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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