I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
