you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
