I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
