i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
